I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize