just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
