I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
