im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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