i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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