I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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