this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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