The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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