dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
