guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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