never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think i have herpe
just one?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize