4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
