I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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