this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
