Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize