RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
