I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
