chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is my gift to your gina
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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