Got a toothbrush?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
