i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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