I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
