No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
