I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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