woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
