Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
