They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
