just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What happened to fro yo and sex?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
