Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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