I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
