His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
