Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
