i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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