3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm at about main and main street
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize