I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
