I'd wear matching sweaters with you
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
