i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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