I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
