I murdered the dance floor call the cops
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
