I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
