you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
