Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
