Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
