So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
