You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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