Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
