pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I touched a dick in church today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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