I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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