Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
