:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
