His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize