Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
