we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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