butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
