Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
