she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
