i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize