man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
