Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
