She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
