So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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