I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
