She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
