the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
