i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
