In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
