I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
