Your tits are I can't wait for
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
