He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
