I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize