I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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