Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
