You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize