Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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