Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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