Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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