Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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