SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
