yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
