I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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