i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
