For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
