The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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