life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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