I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
