Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
