i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
