Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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