oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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