She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
