ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
