he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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