mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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