we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
