ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
