I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
