She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
